“I Can't Do This Anymore" Actually Means, "I Need More Support"

What if I'm the one who's not doing okay?

What if my kids are stabilized, but I'm falling apart?

Sound familiar?

You're screaming, crying, and stomping your feet in frustration.

You shuttle snacks and refill spilled waters all day, and find yourself depleted & exhausted.

Everything is too much, and you're a ticking time bomb, ready to explode.

People offer to help, but you're too tired to figure out what to say.

Every problem is layered and complex.

You just want to shut down and hide.

Behavior is communication, so shouting at your kids and weeping into your pillow communicates that you’ve got a powerful set of unmet needs. Just like your wondrous children, you also deserve radical acceptance and support. You deserve to have your deep needs met. When we feel safe, we are capable of so much. When our nervous system is stressed, we crumble.

SMALL STEPS

It’s better to meet one small specific need than to get overwhelmed tackling everything.

Take 1 walk a week.

Go to the bathroom right when you’ve got to pee, not an hour later.

Drink cool water.

Get 5 pairs of ear plugs so you’ve got some near you when things are too loud.

Eat breakfast before cleaning the kitchen.

POWERFUL PRACTICES

Then, sometimes you’ve got to make more radical shifts. Sometimes, something says, “This needs to CHANGE!” And that roar of big energy gives you the courage to move a mountain that has been weighing you down.

Find childcare.

Change your or partner’s work schedule.

Prioritize a weekly friendship.

Start therapy.

Join a support group.

THE TAKEAWAY

Sometimes, we fall apart when our kids are stabilized because our nervous system finally feels safe enough to let go. It's a sign of health that you are recognizing your patterns, that you know you can't do it anymore.

You deserve support, and this need rising up is good, valid, and important. Let's listen when it says, "I can't do it anymore." And gently suggest an alternative, "I can't do it anymore without more support."