6 Ways Low-Demand Parenting Changed My Life

FREEDOM FROM SHAME

As a low demand parent, I am stepping off the well-traveled path. This is immensely vulnerable, and vulnerability opens us up to shaming thoughts and beliefs. My low demand practice is rooted in the belief that shame has no place in my parenting decisions. I am free to walk my own way, without shaming saying I'm bad for doing so.

CONNECTION WITH MY CHILDREN

In the old days, I was focused on eliminating their problem behaviors and enforcing standards of respect. I thought that once they weren't hitting me and screaming at me, we could connect. Now I know that connection always comes first, and that respectful love grows from trusting connection.

TRUST IN MYSELF

This method focused on meeting your own needs without asking something that's too hard of your kids. I have learned to trust my needs and to meet them, proactively and consistently, which builds up my habits of self-respect and empowerment. When I trust myself to meet my own needs, I make fewer demands of the world (including my kids) to do it for me.

PRIDE IN MY KIDS

Traditional parenting often leads to a gap between your expectations, where you want your kids to be, and where they actually are. Your job as the parent is to get them to meet your expectations with rewards and punishments. This method aligns my expectations to my kids' actual abilities, which helps me to wake up each day proud of what they can do.

SEEING PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION

My kids do their best, when they can, and I change the situation so that their best aligns with my expectations. This process helps me witness their effort and name their progress. I do not demand standards of perfection. I allow for mistakes and for repair. We make progress, without aiming for perfect.

KNOWING WHAT MATTERS MOST

Something can matter, but everything can't matter. We need priorities, but in order to prioritize, we have to let things go. The low demand process supports what matters most by teaching me daily how to release those less-important expectations that cloud my vision and get in the way of my true priorities.

THE TAKEAWAY

This is more than a parenting method. It is a transformative lifestyle that will challenge and strength your mental health and the health of your connection to your children. Learning to let things go is an essential step in building up a shame-free life, in developing healthy boundaries, and in establishing trusting relationships.